The Nearly Files: When Britain's Biggest TV Stars Almost Didn't Get Their Career-Defining Roles
Picture this: Hugh Grant as Doctor Who. Dawn French as Hyacinth Bucket. James Corden as Sherlock Holmes. Your brain probably just short-circuited trying to imagine these alternate realities, but here's the thing – they nearly happened. British television is littered with casting decisions that came down to the wire, and the stories behind them are absolutely mental.
When Chemistry Goes Wrong Before It Even Starts
The truth about casting is that it's less science, more dark magic. Take Sherlock, for instance. Benedict Cumberbatch wasn't even the first choice – that honour went to Hugh Grant, who turned it down because he thought the scripts were "too clever by half." Thank God for that bit of self-awareness, because can you imagine Grant's floppy-haired rom-com energy trying to pull off "The Reichenbach Fall"? The man would've winked at the camera.
Photo: Benedict Cumberbatch, via img.itch.zone
But here's where it gets properly bonkers: Martin Freeman wasn't originally paired with Cumberbatch either. The producers were seriously considering putting Cumberbatch alongside a completely different Watson – one who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent. Test footage exists somewhere in the BBC vaults of this unholy pairing, and apparently it's so awkward that viewing it requires security clearance.
The Butterfly Effect of Bad Decisions
Casting directors live in constant fear of the butterfly effect. Change one actor, and suddenly your entire show implodes like a poorly built soufflé. Line of Duty nearly fell victim to this when Adrian Dunbar was almost passed over for Superintendent Hastings because he "didn't look copperish enough." The mind boggles. Without Dunbar's perfectly calibrated Northern Irish skepticism, would we have ever learned to love the phrase "Mother of God" quite so much?
Meanwhile, over in soap land, EastEnders has a legendary vault of "what if" stories. Barbara Windsor wasn't the first choice for Peggy Mitchell – that was meant to go to a classically trained actress whose name has been scrubbed from BBC records. Apparently, her test scenes were so posh and refined that the Albert Square regulars looked like they were being served divorce papers by the Queen's personal solicitor.
The Doctor Who Dimension of Madness
If you want to see casting chaos in its purest form, look no further than Doctor Who. The show has a built-in excuse for recasting (regeneration), but that doesn't stop the producers from making absolutely barmy decisions along the way. Tom Baker nearly didn't get cast because he was "too tall and weird-looking." Christopher Eccleston was the third choice after two other actors turned it down for being "too sci-fi." And David Tennant? He auditioned for the role three times across different regenerations before finally landing it.
Photo: David Tennant, via viaggiovunque.com
But the most mental near-miss has to be when they almost cast Rowan Atkinson as the Ninth Doctor. Not as a comedy special or a sketch – as the actual, canonical Doctor. The chemistry tests apparently went well until someone realised that Mr. Bean saving the universe might be a bridge too far, even for British television.
When Soap Stars Nearly Swapped Places
The incestuous world of British soap casting is where things get properly surreal. Ken Barlow from Coronation Street was nearly played by someone who would later become a regular on EastEnders. Meanwhile, Dirty Den was almost cast as a Corrie character before switching soaps entirely. It's like a parallel universe where everyone's in the wrong pub, arguing with the wrong neighbours about completely different family dramas.
The most bonkers swap that nearly happened? Peggy Mitchell and Bet Lynch almost ended up on each other's shows. Can you imagine Peggy behind the bar at the Rovers Return, telling Ken Barlow to "get outta my pub"? The cultural fabric of Britain might have unravelled entirely.
The Chemistry Test That Saved British Comedy
The Office nearly had a completely different cast, and not just because Ricky Gervais was considered "too abrasive" for television. The original plan was to cast a well-known sitcom actor as David Brent – someone who would make the character more likeable and less cringey. Thank Christ that idea got binned, because a cuddly David Brent would've defeated the entire point. Sometimes being too abrasive is exactly what British comedy needs.
Martin Freeman nearly didn't get Tim Canterbury either. The role was almost given to an actor who's now a household name in period dramas, but his chemistry test with the actress playing Dawn was reportedly "about as romantic as a tax return." Freeman's ability to convey crushing romantic longing through paper sales small talk saved the entire emotional core of the show.
The Sliding Doors of Television
These near-misses aren't just amusing trivia – they're reminder of how fragile great television really is. One wrong casting decision, one actor saying no, one chemistry test going sideways, and suddenly the shows we consider cultural touchstones never exist at all.
The next time you're watching Benedict Cumberbatch solve crimes or Barbara Windsor hold court in the Queen Vic, remember: somewhere in an alternate universe, Hugh Grant is consulting his deerstalker hat and a classically trained actress is telling someone to "get outta my public house, you muppet."
And honestly? That universe sounds absolutely terrible.
